NaPoWriMo 2017 - Day 10

Pepsi Girl #

She does not realize that her
creative block comes from
the harsh demands she places on
herself

Her parents never asked the world from her
Just a good daughter
(They are proud)
But no photo she ever takes
is good enough
for herself
No matter how much her
Father and Mother
tell her she is talented
She knows
(but would never tell them)
that they do not know anything about photography
She went to school; she knows about photography
She can see the flaws and imperfection
other’s can’t
her eyes are too well trained

She’s thirsty

She should just burn everything
All this work is garbage
Yell.
Scream.
Fucking. Garbage.
Bargaining.

Maybe this one is okay-
….no it’s not.
Throw it all the ground. Step on it
Her parents paid for four years of photography school
Why did she make them do that
Nothing here is good,
just derivative -

There’s something outside
Footsteps, in unison
Activity
Sounds are far away
when her heart is heavy
she hears faint Cello Music
some stray song stuck
in her head

An Army in Blue
(not even the one
she is used to seeing)
she should follow them
Her photos are all over her makeshift office
walls desk now floor
and spreading her mind
through the physical space
means
she must go outside
when her head is too much to bear

She joins the walkers
as they march for and to
some vaguely defined goal
It feels to her
As if the very act of walking
Builds up some air hanging energy
She walks towards the front, taking photos
that are not her best
slowly and idly
finding her way towards the front.

An impasse. A line of police.
Hearts of Blue
Are they standing in front of the
march path?
Aren’t these supposed to be planned out?
Everyone stares at each other
Like a chess board
before a move is taken

A girl steps forward from the
Marchers? Protesters?
This girl is stunning
This girl could be a model
(Why can’t she look like her?
What she would give for a boy
To look at her like this
entire crowd looks
at this girl)
This girl probably has an Instagram
with more followers than
parents

The girl smiles
like some TV celebrity
(When was the last time she smiled?)
putting one foot in front of the other
with the confidence of ages
The girl’s gaze does not wavier from this cops eyes

Something seizes her photographers hands
She didn’t even realize
She brought her camera
She doesn’t even know what is going to happen
But that girl approaches that cop, something in her model hand
Something blue
The cop doesn’t seem afraid as he takes the -
It doesn’t matter. Click.

There it is. She looks at her camera
(it was her sixteenth birthday gift)
A Pepsi! Of all things to hand a cop
How unsuccessfully undramatic
But this photo she took.
It moves her
(a stranger hugs her)
It does not feel
like all the rest
She is proud of it

She allows herself a daydream
Maybe should could call Pepsi
Maybe they could use this in an ad
She hopes people will like it